Did I, at first? Yes, I did. I was SHOCKED when I found out I was pregnant. In July 2011, I was told that due to the amount of cervical cells taken from my cervix in March 2010, I would most likely not be able to conceive again, especially when paired with my poly cystic ovarian syndrome. And, I was also on birth control. Granted, it was the pill; which probably is only one step above condoms in terms of success rate. But, I was taking the pill, and I had been told I couldn't conceive again.
While I cried after being told I wouldn't be able to conceive again, I wasn't devastated. First, I was going through a separation. Second, I was a young Army officer starting out my career, with the possibility of children being added to that career a dim possibility. And lastly, my son was almost five years old. Anyone with any time difference between their children know that the older your first one gets, the harder it is to imagine adding a second one to the mix. When your only child wakes up on a Saturday morning, gets himself breakfast and turns on cartoons....well, you get to sleep in until 9 or 10 a.m. and its WONDERFUL.
So I had resigned myself to not having more children...."One and Done!" However, on October 17th I realized I had missed a period; an unusual event for me since starting the pill. I took the test on a whim and it was positive. Again, I cried (going through a divorce, single mom, newish career.....it was natural to cry). And I was embarrassed. How had this happened? Besides the obvious of course...but how had it happened? I was on birth control, I couldn't have more children! I had emotionally and mentally come to terms with the fact that my baby days were over! And to top it all off, I knew I would be doing it without the father involved.
Ahhhh yes. The father. The question that all my friends and family are dying to know. And they will keep dying to know. How and who this baby was conceived by is nobodies business except mine. There will not be a father's name listed on this babies birth certificate. There will be no text messages, emails, Facebook PM's or phone calls informing a man that he has now become a father. I am utterly and truly alone in this and I'm OK with that. Even if some of the above friends and family aren't. Because this is 2012, accidents happen and women are raising babies all the time by themselves.
So yes, I was shocked. I cried. I was even embarrassed for the first few months and wondered how I was going to tell people. Then I realized however, I didn't have to. I am a grown woman with a career, income, a child, a home. I can add a baby to my family and not have to answer to anyone for it. So now I approach a second round of motherhood, again, alone, and accepting. I'm happy and I don't care what anyone thinks about the lack of ring on my finger or fathers name on the birth certificate.
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